The Great Gate
The Great Gate is the third level of Crash Bandicoot. In this stage, Crashie the unwitting illegal immigrant attempts to ascend an elaborately decorated wall in order to continue his quest, much to the chagrin of the Tribesanistani government, headed by notorious right-wing nutjob Papu Papu. In order to survive, our marsupial acquaintance will have to contend with the finest security mechanisms the hilariously overinflated Tribesanistani dollar can buy - Vibrating Wooden Turtles, Non-Copyright-Infringing Venus Fly Traps, shield-wielding Tribesmen, horrifying spiked pillars, terrifying intermittent torches, and even Sexy Shirtless Diddy Kongs! An Adventure in Sexy Bookwormery: Relevant Stuff You Might Not Know About Pervert Literature It is a little-known fact among fans that this level's title is actually a pun on an actual real-world piece of literature produced by the Executive Producer of this game: The Great Gait: Twenty-Six Easy Steps to Attracting Sexy Ladies By Focusing the Quantum Power of Sexy Walking, by Mark "Marky Mark" Cerny. The book, written during Cerny's days working on Marble Madness, was a compendium of ways to have sex affairs with women, by walking in vaginally irresistible ways. Mark "Cerny Cern" Cerny had originally not intended to name this level in such an egomaniacal way. Its original name was probably "Tribal Fortress" or something else fucking lame. However, the development team - consisting of hilarious virginal nerds, as per President Reagan's much-heralded Computer Enthusiast Stereotype Act of 1984 - had caught wind of Cerny's book, and bought their own copies so they could try out the techniques within. For many of them, this would be the one and only time they were ever able to participate in sexual activity. As a result, they obviously worshiped the ground Cerny walked on, and wanted to name this level in honour of his classic work of literature. (This level's full title is "The Great Gate: Twenty-Six Easy Crates to Attracting Sexy Clear Gems By Focusing the Quantum Power of Sexy Spin Attacking". It was cut short in-game due to space limitations and developer laziness.) Unfortunately, those same members of the development team who took Cerny's book's advice were later charged with multiple counts of rape, due to the intimate areas Marky Cerny Mark Cern suggested walking on, and even into. Obviously, they were upset with Sir Cernster's good advice that turned out to not actually be good advice but rather completely awful, felonious advice. It was bowel-shattering developer frustration over this incident that led to the later infamous Sewer or Later incident, incidentally. Oh, Mark Cerny, you wacky fellow, you! Trivia *Despite being referred to as a "gate", Crash is required to climb up and over this construction, not the method used to pass through most real-world gates. "The Great Wall" would perhaps have been a more appropriate name for this level, but it is already in use by a real-world wall in China. *This stage features Vibrating Wooden Turtles on the upper levels of the "gate". It is, however, never explained in-game how they managed to climb that high in the first place. Most real-world turtles, wooden or not, lack the agility to do so, as they possess what most geologists have come to refer to as "shells", which serve as makeshift armour, but also make them hilariously clumsy. *Some fans who suffer from the rare neurological disorder that prevents them from seeing the third word in any given phrase always hilariously get this level mixed up with The Great Hall. This is because they are mentally deranged retards.